PhD Candidate
Cornell University
Department of Communication
Automatic Behavior
Artist: Gillian Gomer
Affiliation: Student
Medium: Mixed media
Artist Description
My project showcases the oddities of a lesser known symptom of narcolepsy. My disorder is autoimmune: my body attacks the neurological compounds that regulate sleep so I am constantly trying to resist being asleep (or awake) during the ‘wrong’ times. When I fail, I experience microsleep, where I simultaneously go through REM while appearing somewhat functional to others. In my work I showcase different forms of my automatic behaviors, with emphasis on how it presents in my education. I chose a mixed media collage approach to collect the unique symptoms and situations I face everyday, into 1 all-encompassing disorder. Time is unclear across focal points, which mimics how I often perceive memories in disjointed segments, adding or subtracting pieces gained or lost during microsleep. I include reflections on how my disorder impacts decisions in daily life which often requires planning ahead to accommodate the unpredictable.
Visual Description of Piece
A mixed media collage on a ~2x4 ft cardboard slab. Samples of notes taken in classes over the past 10 years are included that show handwriting shifts from neat and legible to scribbled and unintelligible. Visuals scattered around the board help detail mitigation attempts, highlighted experiences, and insight on the time to diagnosis and appropriate treatment.
Notes from the art creation process
Gridded notebook paper with quickly jotted down visual and written ideas, ranging from memory display to interactive pieces for the audience to engage with.
Additional text
I initially left the call for art pieces for the exhibition in my email inbox, untouched, for a few days since I wasn’t sure if I could (or rather should) spend the time to invest in a piece that felt like me. I decided to go for it as a self-motivator. Art used to be a huge part of my life but perfectionism has slowly become my enemy - to avoid disappointment in myself, I stopped creating. I wanted to take an active step in bringing myself back into something I care about.
Big ideas on what I could make swarmed my thoughts almost daily for a few months. I didn’t start working on the project though, because I wanted a solid plan first. Time crept by - I stayed busy, then kept telling myself I’m too busy or too tired or anything to excuse myself from creating. Procrastination fostered self doubt - how can I create an art piece about a disability that doesn’t “really” impact me? I’m medicated now so it’s fine. I don’t even take classes anymore. I’m probably just looking for attention.
Getting diagnosed with narcolepsy took over 10 years and a dozen dismissive doctors. Even though it has always impacted me, I didn’t always have a name for it - so I forget that it isn’t normal.
In the end, I spent 3 days laying on my couch, paralyzed and panicking, about how I haven’t started assembling my work or planned what it would look like. I decided to just play around and make a mess because trusting the process always works. I did make a mess, but I think it does my messy notes justice. A scramble to get things on paper before times up. I chose to fight perfectionism and let the imperfections shine.
Gillian working on her project amidst a chaotic organization of art supplies in her whole living room. She removes pieces from her project as she decides to change her color scheme.
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